the problem with being nb in my experience is primarily that i’ve spent so much of my life experiencing my gender as “i guess i fit mostly in this box because really, the other box hardly fits at all and there’s no other box to try out” that now, i spend most of my time reanalyzing and studying and reaffirming and trying to prove to myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what fits because what if maybe it possibly doesn’t fit and i’m totally wrong so i feel i have to keep proving my gender
i honestly feel like if we learned there were options, and that being the gender you were assigned may not actually fit, this feeling might not be as strong. but then, first society would have to accept that being trans is a thing, and then would further have to accept that not everything is black and white, esp. not gender, and our ideas of gender have been passed down and reaffirmed for so long because we’ve forced it into every orifice of all the other cultures of the world that it’s nearly impossible to be like, “well shit i guess we were literally wrong about everything to do with gender tbh” especially when there are so many people in the world who are cis and feel no need to question gender expectations because they are cis and the world is designed around and for cis people
no, i’m not making sense. And no, i don’t care.
So basically this is my way of explaining that I'm sad right now, mildly depressed, and overall just not dealing well but trying my best.
Also, I miss writing so maybe I'll do some of that soon, or at least I might try it.